Do I Take Too Many 'Self-care' Days?

I subscribe by the notion that if you need a day to yourself, you should take a day to yourself. Forcing social interaction when you really just need time to let your body rest, whether that be doing a fifteen step skincare routine or just eating chocolate covered potato chips while you watch the newest Netflix release (or rather, Gilmore Girls for the eighth or ninth time, who knows anymore, you lose count after four), just doesn't seem like it's the best idea. Maybe self-care means you get up, get dressed, and head out for an aimless walk until your lil' ole legs can't take it anymore. Self-care means different things to everyone and I'm not here to define what self-care is to you because, well, that just would make zero sense. I'm not a mind reader! 

Oh my god, I think I just did the perfect impression of my mother. 

I digress, I listen to my body when it gives me the usual cues that I need a day or even just a chunk of a day to detox. It's partially caused by my introversion which leaves me pretty drained after even a day at the office, but also intensifies as the days go on in the work week and the work piles on. So, when I'm feeling the stress of the week and it starts to feel longer and longer and then Thursdays start to feel like Mondays and I think about scheduling in cries, that's usually when I know I need to take some time to myself to regroup and like, not want to decide what day is best for me to cry so it can fit into my schedule. 

These are the main, but rare occasions that I force myself to relax and regroup and lounge as long as I feel like I need to. But sometimes I feel like I don't hold myself accountable enough and when I just don't feel like doing something for the sake of just not wanting to do it, I chalk it up to a "self-care" day and time to myself. 

The question is, am I really taking a self-care day or am I just using it as an excuse?

I tend to post on my Instagram Stories when I'm having an "at home" day and talk about how it's fine to take time to yourself and enjoy your time at home. And I still believe that, 100%. I don't think we need to be busybusybusy all the time and spend every waking hour of the day out and about. Life is short, but I don't think that means you need to exhaust yourself trying to do something every hour of the days you have free. There's a balance of activity that only you know how you can maintain since we all have different thresholds of stress and energy and what we can and cannot handle in our lives.

Side-note: ever since I finished Sex and the City, I think I noticed that even before I started watching, I think I might have unintentionally hypothesized things with "and I couldn't help but wonder" and now every time I say it I think of Carrie and get annoyed but like...I gotta say it, guys. I gotta!

When thinking about my self-care days during one of my self-care days, I couldn't help but wonder if maybe, just maybe, I was taking them too liberally. Is there such a thing as taking them too liberally? Or am I just being hard on myself and hypocritical? Maybe I do need those days to get back on track but I'm trying to convince myself that I don't because I'm conditioned to believe, especially in New York City, that I need to be busy 24/7 and there's too much of the city to see and I can't see it laying down in my Brooklyn apartment wearing worn out athleticwear that I've had since high school.

Sometimes it's hard for me to decipher whether or not I'm just being plain old lazy or just really am struggling and need a day to gather my thoughts so I'm not a stressed out exhausted mess who babbles on and on about absolutely nothing until she literally gets told to shut up (and as I should!). I know that when I start to spiral, it's time to, well, take some time. But what if I just never let myself get to that point?

What if I could read the signs of my body (SHAKIRA SHAKIRA) and just know before the spiral that I need two hours to detox? What if I could cut out the rock bottom portion and just know and not have to spend an entire day on myself and just take a couple of hours after work? That would just be too easy though, no?

I struggle with wondering if I'm doing enough or being enough. I'm lucky enough to be where I am and don't want to waste it but on the other hand, what's the point of being someplace that you want to be if you don't feel like yourself? Because I don't feel like myself when I'm mentally drained from nine hours of work and conversation even if I love the people I work with and interact with. I've talked about navigating college as an introvert and finding time for yourself in a big city.

Hell, I literally just wrote a post exactly a month ago about not feeling bad about spending time at home. And to a degree, I don't. I just wonder if I take too many days and claim they're "self-care" days when in reality, I just don't want to do something but it's a better excuse to justify things in my head. It's complicated, but I like to hold myself accountable for the things that I do and say to make sure I'm not depriving myself of things I should or could be doing, but also find that balance and don't force myself into situations that are going to make me feel worse about things.

Sometimes I feel like my brain is full of contradictions which in theory should but me, but I'm still learning and growing. I'd be scared if my final evolution was me as a 23-year-old who can't cook, has the emotional range of a teaspoon, bottles everything up and then gets surprised when it all blows up in her face, and still stands by the fact that if given the opportunity to be in his presence, Niall Horan would fall in love with her. Though, admittedly, the latter will live with me forever BECAUSE IT IS TRUE. Just kidding. The cooking thing will never leave me though. Sorry dad.