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The Tale of the Ruby Red Slippers


Back when I was in Pre-K approximately 10,000 years ago (or in like 1998 or whatever, my mom will fact check this), the cool thing to do was pop molly. Kidding, kidding. The cool thing to have if you were a girl in Pre-K was a pair of glittery ruby red flats. They were straight out of The Wizard of Oz and everybody who was anybody had a pair. They donned the aisles of every department store, and I always eyed up a pair at Target, determined to make them mine (much like I am determined to make Harry Styles mine today, but a lot different now that I’m thinking about it).

I begged my mom for a pair of these shoes. BEGGED. We were frequent Target visitors (and still are), so my pleading for a pair of these glittery flats was consistent and, I'm sure, extremely irritating. I’d lure us to the shoe section and would ask for a pair of the ruby red slippers because “Cara* had them”. Yeah, well Cara also probably has an STD by now so I guess I shouldn’t always ask for the things that Cara has.

“They don’t have your size,” my mom said time and time again. Since I was, y’know, 4 and all, I didn’t question this. Target was just suspiciously out of my size for an entire year. It seemed plausible. Then again, so did eating crayons and monsters underneath my bed.

By the time I had gotten to Kindergarten, the ruby red slippers were old news. Since Kindergarten was the year that everybody had to learn to tie their shoes, a sweet pair of kicks became the new fad. I'd always wonder about those flats though. I couldn't help it. I thought they were gorgeous (plot twist: they're not)!

A few years back, as my mom and I were perusing the Target shoe section for a gift for my niece, my eyes landed on an old flame: a pair of ruby red slippers. I ran to them (probably?) and laughed. “Mom look, it’s the red slippers I always wanted but they never had my size!”

She looked at them with disgust. “Fran, they always had your size. I just never wanted to get them for you because they were so f**king ugly.”


*Names have been changed in the off chance that said person is reading this (thought I’d be surprised if she could even read, the daft thing she is).


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