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Why I Have Hundreds of Crushes and Am Still Single

I have plenty of flaws, whether they're physical, habitual, or are quirks that aren't quite aligned with the social norms. I don't have smooth, even skin, I talk too fast and too loud, and I acquire crushes very easily. My crushes usually fall in the stage right before I full-blown like someone. They normally don't get to that point for me, because I am me (harsh, but true). When I crush, I crush hard. I have a tendency to feel at extremes. Either I feel nothing at all or I feel everything. There is rarely an in-between.

Despite having all of these crushes, I never seem to be able to transform them into anything else. Am I too scared? Too repulsive? Not actually interested in being somebody's something? A simultaneous combination of all of the above (appropriately penned the #3)? I don't think I'll ever know.

Commitment scares me. I can't choose a lipstick color, let alone another human being to spend a substantial amount of time with in a romantic setting. Somewhere in time, it was decided that when you got a significant other, everything else important to you could and should be dropped in a moment's notice to cater to them. If that's the way relationships are, I don't think I'd like to be in one.

Then there's the doubt that comes with still being single. Am I repulsive? Is my bitch face too intimidating? Does my imperfect skin really affect your opinion of me that much? Is it my thighs? This detrimental thought process is stupid, yet it happens weekly if you're lucky, as opposed to daily. Even if somebody decided you weren't worth dating because of any of those things, they clearly aren't the right person for you. It's all about perspective, people.

This may go back to being scared of commitment, but some people just don't want a relationship. Contrary to popular belief, some people like to, gasp, put themselves first. I know it's a foreign concept that is often associated with selfishness, and I'm here to tell you that it's not. Wanting to put yourself first once in a while is not a sin, nor should you be shamed for it. Wanting to focus on yourself is a perfectly legitimate reason to not want to be in a relationship, or even go on dates. Not wanting to be responsible for somebody else's feelings is also acceptable.

The pressure to be in a serious relationship nowadays is out of control. When was it ever explicitly said that a woman must be married in her early 20's? When did being single become such a bad thing, something that people respond to with "I'm so sorry. You'll find somebody soon, don't worry." What if I don't want to find somebody? Heaven forbid you tell someone that. They practically go into cardiac arrest.

Girls get into relationships because they think that it is expected of them. And heaven forbid they let a few people down, right? On the other hand, single men are fine. Being a bachelor is socially acceptable! But a single woman? Call the police and hope that the officer is available!

Maybe there is an actual reason for why I am single. I could be missing one big warning sign that is revealed to everyone but myself. But for now, it's because I want to be. I want to have my innocent crushes until I decide to change my mind.


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