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Why Did I Decide to (Abruptly) Return to YouTube?

If I did have an answer for this question, I sure as hell should have thought of it before I decided that (a) this blog post was a good idea and (b) that returning to YouTube after over a year absence was a good idea. If you thought I was absent on Instagram then just you wait until you take a look at my channel history on YouTube.

Let's just go back, back to the beginning as Hilary Duff famously sang. I started YouTube during my period of unemployment between moving home from Cleveland before I found my way to the city.  It seemed like a good use of time to keep myself motivated on the day to day to remain creative and not just laying in bed, crying that I hadn't gotten a job yet. I had gotten a dozen or so videos up before I got my job offer and sort of moved to the city in a whirlwind. When I got here, I didn't have my proper camera for over a month and things were just, as expected, hectic. I barely had time to breathe let alone film and edit and try to think of ideas for my blog and work and YouTube. Writing is my favorite form of medium, something I'm just incredibly comfortable with at this point. Video content was entirely out of my wheelhouse, but I enjoyed the challenge. However, when you're 22 and making no money and trying to acclimate to a new city–especially with New York City is that new city–and make friends and try not to get swallowed up have to make sacrifices and drop things from your plate.

YouTube was the easiest to drop, so I did. I never really meant for it to be permanent. Part of me always intended to bring it back, but I just didn't want to half-ass it. The problem with wanting everything to be perfect is that you will literally never get anything done, as perfection is a figment of all of our imaginations, besides like, Joe Jonas' face and entire existence. That's it.

I woke up on Saturday morning and I wanted to film. I didn't know what I wanted to film, I just knew that I had to sit down in front of the camera and just talk and not care about what came out of my mouth or what my hair looked like or the fact that I wasn't wearing eyeliner and was sweating bullets in my room while my air-conditioning unit was turned off. I got really comfortable with my rhythm of writing one, sometimes two blog posts a week. I got comfortable not writing anything besides my blog, forgetting all of the abandoned projects on my laptop. I got too comfortable stifling my creativity out of fear of failure.

Maybe I'll consistently post one YouTube video for the rest of forever. Maybe by fall I'll have decided that video content is not my forte. If I could predict the future, I would, but sadly I am a basic af plebian with no psychic abilities and that's fine.

Besides, I'm a narcissist. How could I resist sitting in my room alone talking to myself and chalking it all up to me being productive? Now that's a fucking dream.


  1. Love this!!! I feel, after I graduated college, I had no idea what I was doing so I started writing and that's how I found my love of writing/creating content on the Internet. :)

  2. Ok love your Hilary Duff reference lol! And i love youtube, glad you're back on it!!

  3. I'm celebrating the return of Fran to YouTube!!

  4. I am impressed. I don't think I've met anyone who knows as much about this subject as you do. You are truly well informed and very intelligent. You wrote something that people could understand and made the subject intriguing for everyone. Really, great blog you have got here
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