Why I Physically Cannot Text You First

Wednesday, April 23, 2014

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Other than people tweeting live sporting events, I swear the most common tweet that I see is some variation of "text me". When you want to talk to someone when you're bored, apparently it is easier to post something on social media about it than just scrolling through your contacts to find a friend to chat with. Or, heaven forbid you want to talk to a certain somebody and instead of texting them yourselves, you post "If you're bored, text me", "Text me, I'm bored" or some other version of that tweet.

I hate being the first person to text a person. It always boils down to the fact that I feel like I'm bothering somebody when in reality, if I was, they could just ignore it. But then being ignored would make me feel rejected and then I'm back to the place where I was before: not wanting to text first.

At some point, texting somebody first, especially somebody that you are interested in, turned into this partner seeking desperation that made you seem clingy. That's harsh. If I wanted to tell someone something, shouldn't me wanting to share this tidbit of information with you seem somewhat special? Say I just heard a really great song, the kind that can change your world in the matter of a few minutes, and I wanted to text somebody about it. Shouldn't that person feel special that as soon as I finished this song, one of my first thoughts was to share it with them? That doesn't seem creepy to me, but to some it might.

There is a difference between being clingy and just wanting to talk. Me texting you "Hey, what's up?" does not mean that I want to bear your children as soon as possible. It is not some secret "woman lingo"  to try to rope you into a relationship. It is simply me texting you to see how you're doing because I'm genuinely interested. If I text you, in sequence, "Hey, what's up?" "How are you?" "How's school?" "Are you okay?" "Are you busy?" "Can you talk?" without a reply between each, then maybe I'm trying too hard. I think that a general rule is two texts will suffice. If your first goes unanswered, maybe they missed it. But if your second goes unanswered, they're either busy or aren't interested in talking to you. If that is the case, don't get down on yourself. My guess is that you're a cool person and they're just not seeing it.

With all of that being said, I'm still terrified to text people first. If I like people, I won't talk to them unless they talk to me. It all goes back to me being afraid of rejection and disconfirmation. Society has scared me into thinking that if I want to show interest in someone, I shouldn't. You're supposed to play it cool and send subtle hints but also play hard to get. That to me is just so confusing and conflicting, but yet it's still something I believe in because I have nothing else to go off of.

The inevitable question comes: do you text people first or wait for them to text you?

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